.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
SabrinaCognata (1:59:10 PM): I PREFER HIGH GRADE COCAINA
SabrinaCognata (2:00:59 PM): this reminds me of the chipmunks
UM HELLO? Why wouldn't cocaine remind anyone of the chipmunks you fucking hand creamers.
Puttin' on the Ritz? I take the Ritz and put them on my ass.
How come poop comes at the most inopportune times. Like when you are taking a very important test, or during an audition or when youre in a hurry, or maybe when you're with that special someone who happens to be entirely too close to the bathroom door to be letting the anus loose, DAMN IT BUTTHOLE be strong!It's like my insides have teamed up against me in order to make me look like a complete retard. Hey entrails I GOT THAT COVERED please stop making me fart :(
DEAFCON
5
4
3
2
1
Everyone farts EVERYONE but people try to keep them a secret, the most precious secret you've ever kept. And its horrible when you're put on the spot like you happen to fart in a car, someone's gotta comment on how fucking terrible that smells, "Oh god I can taste it!" then everyone immediately tackles the I DIDN'T DO IT. "Mine don't smell like that" Oh fuckin' really? well that's awesome, you have your fart down to a science please die accordingly. When I fart and someone says that, I hope my poisonious gas renders them unconscious. Please do not try and figure out who farted, especially if its me because I am going to lie and so are you and I promise I will blame you. Or if it comes out of nowhere and I'm not prepared to be questioned I panic. "Did you fart?" -- "Whaaaat? No I had a terrible accident when I was a child, I CANT fart!?@#?!" -- It's extremely special when you are one of two people in a car. "Wow you farted" --"No I didn't, this city always smells like this, lets just roll up our windows" as you gasp for the last breath of air as you slowly roll up your window, who wants death by their own bodily function.
And how come people get so angry if you accuse them of doing something everyone does on occasion -- pooing. I was at a party once, well I've been to more than one but anyway, there was a line of like 10,000 girls waiting to get into the bathroom and everyone is complaining. I wait like 10 minutes, still no signs of life, the poop mob starts to get impatient and rattling the door, like maybe the door shut and accidently locked itself -- side note why do we keep trying to open a closed/locked bathroom door after we already checked it and KNOW FOR A FACT its totally and completely locked, right ok back to the bathroom story, so eventually I lose interest in the bathroom I do this when I'm drunk, I'm like hey if I poop on myself it will be a funny story for the kids and as I walk past the angry pee line I say "Come on people let the poor woman POOP!" (insert drunk cackle here) I don't even think I got 5 feet from the bathroom door before I hear this "WHO THE FUCK SAID I WAS POOING!?!! (ROAR) " YIKES yes I started laughing, of couse I reply with "Um then what were you doing in there for 15 minutes shaving your face?" ANGER COMPLETE ANGER and she didnt even notice I said face she was still too pissed about the pooing. "I wasnt fucking pooing how fucking dare you!" "How dare I have a 50% chance of being right? You were pooing in there everyone poops calm down" -- "No I wasnt you bitch! I will fight you." And there it was, time stopped and I looked around. YES I was getting in a fight over poop. The angry poo girl swung wildly as her poo posse held her back "Come on Pooronica, lets get out of this place" and 5 asian kung fu party poopers left in a huff. HEY ok fine I got rid of some skinny asian skanks but the chinese poo too... Don't they?
YEAH I'm done with this post but um I never fart or poo... I'm just guessing.
SabrinaCognata (2:00:59 PM): this reminds me of the chipmunks
UM HELLO? Why wouldn't cocaine remind anyone of the chipmunks you fucking hand creamers.
Puttin' on the Ritz? I take the Ritz and put them on my ass.
How come poop comes at the most inopportune times. Like when you are taking a very important test, or during an audition or when youre in a hurry, or maybe when you're with that special someone who happens to be entirely too close to the bathroom door to be letting the anus loose, DAMN IT BUTTHOLE be strong!It's like my insides have teamed up against me in order to make me look like a complete retard. Hey entrails I GOT THAT COVERED please stop making me fart :(
DEAFCON
5
4
3
2
1
Everyone farts EVERYONE but people try to keep them a secret, the most precious secret you've ever kept. And its horrible when you're put on the spot like you happen to fart in a car, someone's gotta comment on how fucking terrible that smells, "Oh god I can taste it!" then everyone immediately tackles the I DIDN'T DO IT. "Mine don't smell like that" Oh fuckin' really? well that's awesome, you have your fart down to a science please die accordingly. When I fart and someone says that, I hope my poisonious gas renders them unconscious. Please do not try and figure out who farted, especially if its me because I am going to lie and so are you and I promise I will blame you. Or if it comes out of nowhere and I'm not prepared to be questioned I panic. "Did you fart?" -- "Whaaaat? No I had a terrible accident when I was a child, I CANT fart!?@#?!" -- It's extremely special when you are one of two people in a car. "Wow you farted" --"No I didn't, this city always smells like this, lets just roll up our windows" as you gasp for the last breath of air as you slowly roll up your window, who wants death by their own bodily function.
And how come people get so angry if you accuse them of doing something everyone does on occasion -- pooing. I was at a party once, well I've been to more than one but anyway, there was a line of like 10,000 girls waiting to get into the bathroom and everyone is complaining. I wait like 10 minutes, still no signs of life, the poop mob starts to get impatient and rattling the door, like maybe the door shut and accidently locked itself -- side note why do we keep trying to open a closed/locked bathroom door after we already checked it and KNOW FOR A FACT its totally and completely locked, right ok back to the bathroom story, so eventually I lose interest in the bathroom I do this when I'm drunk, I'm like hey if I poop on myself it will be a funny story for the kids and as I walk past the angry pee line I say "Come on people let the poor woman POOP!" (insert drunk cackle here) I don't even think I got 5 feet from the bathroom door before I hear this "WHO THE FUCK SAID I WAS POOING!?!! (ROAR) " YIKES yes I started laughing, of couse I reply with "Um then what were you doing in there for 15 minutes shaving your face?" ANGER COMPLETE ANGER and she didnt even notice I said face she was still too pissed about the pooing. "I wasnt fucking pooing how fucking dare you!" "How dare I have a 50% chance of being right? You were pooing in there everyone poops calm down" -- "No I wasnt you bitch! I will fight you." And there it was, time stopped and I looked around. YES I was getting in a fight over poop. The angry poo girl swung wildly as her poo posse held her back "Come on Pooronica, lets get out of this place" and 5 asian kung fu party poopers left in a huff. HEY ok fine I got rid of some skinny asian skanks but the chinese poo too... Don't they?
YEAH I'm done with this post but um I never fart or poo... I'm just guessing.
Comments:
Post a Comment
